CALLER

(Humor) My Computer Won’t Turn On

Any troubleshooting questions out there? Any at all? If you have some, please submit them to macmanx@macmerc.com


Well, how about a little tech-support question humor? Let’s see if I can remember it.

Well, there was phone tech support member working for a company (Microsoft?), we’ll just call him “Tech”. He received a call from and elderly woman who’s computer wouldn’t turn on. In the end, it got him fired. Below is what I remember from the transcript.

TECH: What seems to be the problem?

CALLER: My computer won’t turn on.

TECH: Have you tried the power button?

CALLER: Of course.

TECH: Is the power connected?

CALLER: Yes.

*the TECH then went through several PC-related things and neither worked.*

TECH: Do you have the original box to send this back?

CALLER: It’s in the attic.

TECH: Can you get it and make sure it’s the right one?

CALLER: It’s a bit hard to see the box.

TECH: How come?

CALLER: The lights aren’t on.

TECH: Turn them on.

CALLER: I can’t, the power went out 30 minutes ago.

*The TECH then went into numerous profanities that got him fired. Such is the frustration of all techs.*

Remember, if you have a question that you’d like answered, please submit it to macmanx@macmerc.com

We got your iTunes covered

(from Episode #62 of The Lab with Leo Laporte)

iTunes may be the most popular music, movie and podcast organization tool, but that may only because it is a package deal with the most popular portable personal media device; the iPod. The software is good, but it’s not perfect.

You have probably noticed that the recent addition of “CoverFlow� to the iTunes interface isn’t nearly as exciting when the music you acquired from anywhere other than the iTunes store displays a blank black cover with a couple of beamed eighth notes on it. Sure iTunes will try to figure out what cover belongs on your music, but it’s still hit-or-miss… with a definite leaning toward “miss.�

Have you ever noticed, in the “Get Info� information for your music that there is a field in there for “BPM�? That stands for “beats per minute.� Have you ever seen a value in that field? Probably not. In an ideal world, every song would come with that information already on board. Then you could make Smart Playlists of a range of songs that, say, have a driving beat that helps your workout.

The software also is a bit desperate for attention. You get no way to control playback or search your music library unless you keep iTunes frontmost. It might also be nice to have a visual readout of how many unheard podcasts you have.

Let’s see what we can do about these “whines� while also revisiting a caller question from a few weeks ago.

CoverScout
coverscout 20070817 231032 We got your iTunes coveredFor $19.95, equinux’s CoverScout will scour the interwebs for cover art your music was intended to have. It searches international Amazon image catalogs, Google images and, if that doesn’t turn up your missing cover art, it even allows you to use your iSight camera to grab the cover art off the CD you ripped the songs from in the first place. (You did get that music from a legally purchased CD, didn’t you?)
Some “good news/bad news� with CoverScout is that it handles cover art differently than iTunes in that it adds the artwork to the music file instead of keeping it in an external folder. This means that anywhere you might use that music file, the artwork will follow. But it also means if you associate an exceedingly large image file with a song, the file size of that song will increase also.

Tangerine!
tangerine 20070817 230249 We got your iTunes coveredTangerine from Potion Factory ($24.95) analyzes your iTunes music library and determines the number of beats per minute for each song. Adding this information to your music files allows you to make smarter Smart Playlists that filter music based on the tempo of the songs.
iTunes can take care of making those playlists, but Tangerine can do you one better: it can assemble taylor-made playlists of a specified duration that consist of songs within a range of beats per minute and then it orders those songs so that the playlist increases in tempo with each song. There are actually 5 different variations on the tempo pattern that Tangerine’s playlists can follow. When played sequentially, a playlist can coincide with your workout’s warm-up and cool-down times.

DockArt and Quicksilver
DockArt 20070817 230614 We got your iTunes coveredWith DockArt, iTunes gains the ability to display album art in the dock and as your desktop picture (though, I’ve found that this bogs down your machine) and also shows a numerical indicator in iTunes’ dock icon showing how many unheard podcasts you currently have on file. DockArt is donationware. In this case, donations are to be sent to the Fidelco Guide Dog Foundation.
Quicksilver is a favorite of many Mac users, but few who use it even come close to taking advantage of its full power. For instance, by installing the iTunes module and configuring it in the Triggers menu, Quicksilver can give you full control of iTunes from any application on your Mac…for free! You can finally leave iTunes in the background and still have it at your command!

Extra Credit — iBeeZz
ibeezz 20070817 230427 We got your iTunes coveredOn one of my ealier visits to The Lab, a caller asked if there was some way to schedule iTunes to start-up in the middle of the night to download his podcast subscriptions. At the time, we recommended that he set up an event in iCal to launch iTunes every night at a certain time. The part we couldn’t help the caller with at the time was how to get iTunes to shut down again after it was done.
Enter iBeeZz.
For 12.50 Euro (about $17 US), you can program all kinds of sleep and wake-up times for your Mac as well as files and applications. It has a special setting for iTunes that allows you to schedule iTunes to startup at bedtime, lower the volume to a soothing level and start a playlist of your choosing (possibly a low-BPM playlist you made using Tangerine or a “nap� you saved out of Pzizz).

PhoneValet from Parliant

The PhoneValet solution consists of two main components: a phone line/USB adapter and a call management system. This combination of software and hardware not only replaces the need for an automated phone answering service, it integrates with your Mac’s most powerful abilities.

Getting the Message

PhoneValet will take your calls, messages and faxes and send them where they belong. Record your own menus, send messages to multiple voicemail boxes and log your calls. After a simple setup, you have yourself a digital receptionist with a professional polish.

Your PhoneValet screens calls, and can alert you with on-screen caller-id. You can even program PhoneValet with specific actions based on the caller (your mother-in-law will wonder why you’re never home). Alerts don’t stop there. Phonevalet can email you your messages in your choice of format.

Mac Integration

Of course, you can call in to retrieve your messages – and while on the call you can remotely control your Mac through AppleScripts executed by touch-tone. And that’s just the beginning of the neat OS integration features. The system runs in the background as a menu item, imports from Address Book and will even change your iChat status and pause iTunes while you’re on a call.

Scripts can send messages right to your iPod, and schedules can change the behavior of the answering system by time of day. Version 4.0 includes Intel compatibility. Not only can you record all your calls, but a new 4.0 feature archives them to CD and DVD.

Hands-on

In practical use, PhoneValet is very efficient and easy to use. The simple interface will fool you – there are loads of features in this system. As I mentioned, it takes moments to set up and comes prepackaged with some useful AppleScripts.

The downsides? Growl support would be nice – or maybe BonJour notifications to another Mac on the network. I do wish it came in a lite version. PhoneValet can handle calls for a multi-line small business. It would be nice to have a simplified version built for home use. I’m not saying it isn’t worth the money. It would just be nice to have a more consumer oriented version for less.

All in all, PhoneValet is a very interesting an fun solution for your inbound calls. It brings your Mac’s flexibility and easy of use to your phone line, making it much more useful and fun. While PhoneValet starts as a message machine, it opens possibilities from remote system control to Podcast interview recording. I think we’ll see this application evolve in new directions. There are just too many things it could do.

For freelancer, small business owners and Mac enthusiasts eager to enhance their phone line, PhoneValet is a very usable and satisfying phone solution.